Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
