beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
