so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
