If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
