My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
