doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
