dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
