Ambien. No doubt about it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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