so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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