I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
