New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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