Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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