Non-Jews are for practice
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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