Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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