Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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