dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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