I cannot find my penis.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
