are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
