If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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