it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
