Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
