i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
