I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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