why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
