Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
