the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
