I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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