Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
