i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
