He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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