I didn't shave. On purpose
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
