I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
