Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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