When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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