Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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