I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
