I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
