I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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