I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
