2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
