highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
