Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
