Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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