Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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