i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
