Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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