whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
thus making me awesome and them whores
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
