last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
