A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
