She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
