We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
