Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
