If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
