I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
